Digital Childhood Script Series
“Everyone else has Snapchat.”
What to say
Start with how they're feeling
"I know that saying no to Snapchat means you hear about things after everybody else does, and sometimes you don't hear about them at all. I understand that's very much a real feeling, and being left out never feels good. I get it."
Give them a way in
"I'm not saying you'll never have it, it's just not the right thing for you right now, and I'll tell you when that changes. In the meantime, let's make sure you can reach your friends without it. Pick a few of them and we'll add them to your Tin Can contacts, or put their numbers in your flip phone if you have one, so you can call them whenever you want. You can have them over on the weekend too."
With younger kids
"Snapchat is an app for teenagers. You even have to be 13 to sign up for it, so it isn't made for kids your age at all."
When they say nobody texts anymore
"You might be right that they mostly use Snap. Ask two of them this week if they'll call or text you when something's happening, and if they don't, come tell me and we'll figure out another way."
When they say it's just messaging
"I know messaging your friends feels harmless, and messaging your friends is harmless. Snapchat has something called Find Friends, which used to be called Quick Add, and it puts friends of friends you've never met right in front of you, whether you go looking for them or not. Some of those people know exactly how to seem friendly or act like they're a teenager when they're not. The messages disappear, too, so there's nothing left for either of us to look at."
When they ask when, then
"That's fair. I can't just keep saying not yet forever. When you're 16 and you get a smartphone, if Snapchat is still around and it's safe for 16 and up, then we can allow it. Until then, you're not going to have it."
If they already have it
"You already have Snapchat, and I'm not taking it away. Let's set it up together tonight. Snap Map stays off, and your friends list is only people you actually know in real life, so if somebody you've never met adds you, you don't add them back. If anything on there ever feels weird, show me. You won't be in trouble for telling me."
Why this matters
When your kid says everyone has it, it's meant to make you feel like the odd one out. Once you see that's what's happening, it's a lot easier not to get pulled into it. And you can do it without ever telling your kid their feelings are silly.
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