Digital Habits

“Why do you get to be on your phone all the time?”

Written by Chelsea Redeker · Updated October 19, 2026

What to say

Start here

"That's a good question. It probably feels unfair that I'm on mine all the time and you're not."

Why grownups are different

"Grownups have different rules. We have responsibilities and things we have to get done, and a lot of it happens on our phones. I don't love that, but it's just kind of the way it's become."

You can call me out

"Sometimes being on my phone is just a bad habit, and I want to set a good example for you. So if you feel like I'm on it a lot and it's bothering you, or you're trying to get my attention and I'm not listening, you have every right to call me out on it. I won't get mad at you for saying something."

Here's the deal

"Anytime you walk in the room, unless it's something really important, I'm going to put my phone face down and listen to you, and I won't pick it back up until we're done talking. If I really can't put my phone down, I'll let you know what I'm doing and how long it's going to take."

With older kids

"You're right. I'm trying to use it less, but I know you probably struggle with this too. Phones and notifications are designed to keep sucking us in, and it's also just become a habit when we're bored. So let's make a deal: when we're talking to each other, or we're at dinner hanging out as a family, our phones are down. And if we catch each other on them when we shouldn't be, we can call each other out, and we can't get mad at each other about it."

Why this matters

Our kids notice how much we're on our phones, even when we don't think they're noticing, and a lot of times they won't say anything. It's just something they think and feel. When I asked my kids about it, they both said yes right away, that it was something they noticed and it bothered them. So I made that deal with them, and they've called me out, and I've listened when they have. I think it's a first step toward really good, open communication. When they see me sticking to my word, it opens up a lot easier conversations about anything else tech related, and getting on the same page.

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