The Phone Years
My friends are making plans on Snapchat and I'm not in the group.
What to say
Acknowledge first
I hear you, and that's a real thing that happens. When apps become how plans get made, not being on them feels like being left out. That's not in your head.
Name the real problem
Here's what I want you to understand: the problem isn't that you don't have Snapchat. The problem is that one app became the only way your friend group communicates. That's actually worth questioning.
Give them language
You can say to your friends: 'Hey, can you add me to a regular group chat for plans? I'm not on Snap.' Most friends will do that without a second thought.
The bigger picture
And if a friendship only exists on Snapchat, that's worth noticing, because real friendship survives a different app, and real plans find a way to include you.
What not to say
"Just get over it." or "They're not real friends anyway." Minimizing the feeling makes them less likely to talk to you next time.
Why this matters
This is one of the most common reasons parents feel pressure to cave on social media, and it's valid. The key is separating the social infrastructure problem from the app itself, because your child isn't really missing out on Snapchat, they're experiencing a coordination problem that has a much simpler solution.
Follow-up questions
- What would you say to your friend group about getting included another way?
- Do your close friends, the ones who really matter, make sure you know about things?
- If the group only connects through one app, what does that say about the friendship?