The Phone Years
My friends are making plans on Snapchat and I'm not in the group.
What to say
Younger kids
"I hear you, and being left out of plans is a real thing, not in your head. But here's what matters: the problem isn't that you don't have Snapchat, it's that one app became the only way your friends make plans. You can ask them to start a normal group chat, and most will do it without thinking twice."
Middle kids
"That feeling of being on the outside is real, and I'm not going to pretend it isn't. But notice the actual problem, which is that your whole friend group started making all their plans in one app. That's worth questioning. You can say, 'Hey, add me to a regular group chat, I'm not on Snap.' Real plans find a way to include you."
Older kids
"I'm not dismissing this, being left out stings. But if a friendship only lives on Snapchat, that's worth noticing, because the ones that actually matter survive a different app. You don't need the platform to keep the people, you need the people to want you in the loop, and the good ones will."
What not to say
"Just get over it." or "They're not real friends anyway." Minimizing the feeling makes them less likely to talk to you next time.
Why this matters
This is one of the most common reasons parents feel pressure to cave on social media, and it's valid. The key is separating the friend-group problem from the app itself, because your child isn't really missing out on Snapchat, they're just missing the one place their friends happen to be making plans, and that has a much simpler fix.
Follow-up questions
- What would you say to your friend group about getting included another way?
- Do your close friends, the ones who really matter, make sure you know about things?
- If the group only connects through one app, what does that say about the friendship?