The Phone Years
"Everyone games online with their friends."
What to say
Younger kids
"For most of your friends that's true, and I'm not going to pretend gaming with friends is a bad thing, because for a lot of kids it's how the friendship actually happens. What I care about is who's in the chat with you. Talking to your friends from school is fine, talking to a room of strangers is not."
Middle kids
"Gaming with your friends is real connection, I'm for it. The thing I care about is the voice channel. Voice chat with the four boys from school is a completely different situation than voice chat with a server of strangers, and right now those sound the same when you just say 'online.' People you know in real life, yes. Open chat with anyone who joins, no, because that's where the parts of the internet I worry about actually live."
Older kids
"I'm going to trust you on this, and I'm also going to ask you about it sometimes, the same way I ask who you sat with at lunch, that's me staying in the loop, not me not trusting you. The line that matters isn't gaming, it's the voice channel: people you actually know, fine; an open server with strangers, not yet. If you can hold that, we're good."
What not to say
"No more video games." Total bans turn games into the most interesting thing in the room and end the conversation about who they are playing with, which is the part that actually matters.
Why this matters
Co-op gaming with school friends is real connection, and shutting it down sends kids underground. The conversation is not about gaming, it is about the voice channel, and that is the line parents can actually hold without losing the friendship piece.
Follow-up questions
- "Who is in the voice chat right now, name by name?"
- "Is there ever a stranger in the server you wish was not there?"
- "What is the part of gaming that is actually about your friends versus the part that is just the game?"